Important Things to Consider When Thinking About Adoption
If you’ve recently found out that you are pregnant, you may be weighing your options and deciding what to do. One of those options is making an adoption plan. Before you decide anything, it’s incredibly important to fully understand what making an adoption plan entails. If you are thinking about adoption, the next step involves learning more so you can make an informed decision, and we at Life Forward are here to help you on your journey.
We have a team of medical professionals that you can talk to and ask questions. They will provide some answers but will also encourage you to consider and research the facts and information shared about each option. We also have experienced Client Educators who are trained, willing to listen, and provide a safe and neutral environment. We want you to feel heard and understood as you share intimate thoughts and feelings. Please reach out to Life Forward to get started today!
In this article, we’ll cover some of the most important things to know about making an adoption plan and the rest of the adoption process. This includes common questions about the adoption process, what goes into making an adoption plan, the different ways adoption can affect you as the birth mother, and other adoption information to help make sure you are informed and prepared. So, what are some of the most important things to consider when thinking about making an adoption plan?
Dispelling Misunderstandings Surround Adoption
Part of learning more about the adoption process includes dispelling some misunderstandings about what adoption actually is. You may have heard phrases before like “putting a baby up for adoption” or “giving your child up for adoption.” These phrases are dated and paint an incorrect, negative picture.
The modern reality is much more inviting, even for mothers who would never have considered adoption. Over the last few decades, adoption has changed and become another form of parenting.
Adoption is now viewed as more of a spectrum because biological parents can choose how much involvement, contact, and continued relationship they have with their child’s family during and after pregnancy. It’s not one or the other, but more what the biological parents want and are comfortable with. In this way, adoption offers flexibility and control depending on your desires.
Many pregnant women do not consider adoption because they are concerned about the level of contact they will be allowed to have with their child. However, with these current systems, adoption can be a form of parenting for you, and you can decide how much contact you have with your child.
The Pros and Cons of Adoption
When considering making an adoption plan, the focus tends to be on the child and the family that adopts them. However, there’s one area that often gets overlooked: the consequences for the mother. But, how does the adoption process affect the mother, specifically?
As the mother, you are the person who is impacted most by the pregnancy, giving birth, figuring out crucial adoption information, and being in your child’s life as you see fit. That’s why it’s vital to be aware of the potential consequences adoption can have on you and your body. Here are some things to think about when considering making an adoption plan:
The Physical Consequences of Adoption
Carrying a baby throughout the 9 months of pregnancy has physical effects on the mother, like fatigue, nausea and vomiting, bloating, breast sensitivity, and more. Childbearing can also lead to long-term health consequences that differ depending on many variables, like when you have your first child and how many total children you give birth to.
During the first few weeks after delivering your baby, you may experience side effects such as a tender vaginal area, bloody vaginal discharge, breast engorgement, fatigue and soreness, and painful contractions.
The Emotional and Psychological Consequences of Adoption
After giving birth, you can experience emotional and psychological effects like the “baby blues” or even postpartum depression.
The “baby blues” can occur during the first few weeks after delivery and may involve feeling irritable, anxious, impatient, restless, uncertain, disappointed, as well as crying for no reason, and experiencing trouble sleeping, eating, and making decisions. These usually go away shortly after they first begin. However, if they continue or worsen, you may experience postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression is a more serious version of the “baby blues” and shares many of the same symptoms. It can also come with additional consequences, like hopelessness, mood swings, exhaustion, feeling guilty, low self-esteem, resentment, feelings of isolation, memory loss, overconcern for your newborn, fear of harming your baby or yourself, lower sex drive, and more. This usually requires an evaluation from a doctor and can involve medication and other treatments.
You can also experience elevated levels of grief and feelings of loss when it’s time to send your child home with their new adoptive family. If you or anyone you know are having suicidal thoughts please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or reach out to us at Life Forward for help.
Making an adoption plan can also allow you to feel joy and love since you know your child will be joining a family that can care and provide for their every need. Additionally, you can choose to be a part of your child’s life, so you will be able to watch them grow up and be there for them if you want to.
The Relational Consequences of Adoption
Making an adoption plan can also impact your relationships with the people in your life. It can both bring you closer to your family and friends who want to support you and your baby or cause people to distance themselves from you because they don’t agree with your decision.
Adoption can also affect your relationship with significant others—like the child’s father—by causing strain due to the decision, decreasing interest in sex, and increasing bickering and fighting. It can even result in domestic abuse or the father leaving if he disagrees with the decision. However, it could also bring you closer together if raising your own child is not something that either of you is ready for.
As a birth parent, adoption can also cause intimacy-related issues in the future, like sex, pregnancy, and closeness to others becoming emotionally painful. If you or anyone you know are a victim of domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or reach out to us at Life Forward for help.
Adoption also presents the opportunity for new relationships, including the continuing relationship with your child and their new family. If you choose to be involved in their life, you can be a part of their family and experience the love and support they share.
The Spiritual Consequences of Adoption
Many women regard childbearing as a spiritual experience. This can help to enhance your overall spirituality and assist you in feeling more positive during and after your pregnancy.
Depending on your adoption plan, you may also be able to create a spiritual bond between yourself, your child, and the adoptive parents as you all form a unique family.
The Logistical Consequences of Adoption
It’s also important to consider the logistics of making an adoption plan. This includes determining how much you want to be in your child’s life, choosing adoptive parents, deciding when you will transfer custody of your child, understanding where your child will be raised, and more.
Life Forward has trained professionals who can help you explore each one of these aspects of making an adoption plan in more detail. We can also refer you to professionals who can help you process your thoughts and feelings about the adoption process. Reach out to us today to learn more!
Self-Inventory Checklist
It’s also important to reflect and take self-inventory on your specific situation. Here is a self-inventory checklist full of important questions you should ask yourself to help during your decision-making process and ensure you are choosing the option that is best for you:
Do I want to raise a baby myself? Am I being pressured or coerced to consider adoption?
Do I have—or did I previously have—mental health problems?
Am I feeling very uncertain or having difficulty making the decision?
Am I a victim of past childhood sexual abuse or unresolved traumatic experiences?
Am I lacking emotional and/or social support?
How do I feel about being pregnant?
How involved do I want to be in my baby’s life?
How often will I communicate with my child’s adoptive parents?
Will religion or spirituality be a part of my baby’s life? Is it important to me that it is?
Will I maintain any of the parenting duties? Will I help my child’s parents when they need it?
Where will my baby be raised?
Do I have any fears about making an adoption plan?
Will my child’s family be able to support them financially?
What will happen if something happens to my child’s family?
These questions are not meant to scare you. Instead, they are intended to make sure you are prepared and informed about everything that making an adoption plan involves. Depending on your answers, it may be best to talk to someone before you make a final decision regarding your pregnancy.
There is a certain stigma surrounding adoption, but adoption can be a positive, healthy choice. As mentioned earlier, modern adoption is a spectrum and can act as another form of parenting. Whatever you decide to do, it’s crucial for it to be your decision and what you really want. We at Life Forward want to help you choose the option that is best for you.
How Life Forward Can Help
At Life Forward, we are here to help women in the Cincinnati area who are pregnant or think they may be pregnant. In addition to consultations, pregnancy testing, and ultrasounds, we offer other educational and supportive services, like our Upward parenting classes, Momentum parenting education programs, and car seat safety education—as well as referrals to other community resources—at no cost to you.
Our staff of trained Client Educators and medical professionals will assist you and connect you to the resources and help you need. These resources can help you be more prepared during your pregnancy and make the best decision for yourself. Learn more about the services we offer or contact us at 513.961.7777 to schedule an appointment today!